The Sloth Series
by child-dragon
Summary: Sloth is not to be messed with. Seriously.
1. A Day as Dr Sloth

I work for Dr. Sloth. I ain't ashamed to admit it. We've all got to make a living somehow and with a pet to support and a degree that no one needs, I could only take what was offered. So when one of Sir Chickenhead's flunkies came calling I said yes. You would too, when you're only about waist-height to a mutant Grundo.

Sure, you suppose I could have gotten a job elsewhere in the Virtupets Space Station. I mean, a smart girl like me with those computer skills? Surely there's a spot somewhere. Yeah, that's what I thought too. But with Miriane – that's my rainbow Pteri – complaining daily about the slop I bring home for dinner I was getting a bit desperate. After all, the Soup Kitchen is in Neopia Central and we had a bit of a commute for that.

So. I spend my days glued to a terminal typing like mad. I've got some other programmers that are supposedly helping but they're all Grundos and terrified of The Dr. That's what they call him, in hushed whispers. The Dr. I call him Sir Chickenhead, but only when none of his flunkies are around. Since all the Grundos are cowards and seem unable to think clearly when The Dr. is around I got appointed as head of the motley crew. That means I report directly to him, as he doesn't trust any of his flunkies to have the brain capacity to relay his instructions correctly. He's right.

"Kid," he'll say.

He never calls me by my real name. Just Kid or Girl or when he's in a bad mood, Human.

"Kid, I want this done by the end of the week. It'd better work."

"Yes sir."

Or: "Girl. This is broken. Fix it."

"Right away sir."

Most of the time he wants it done by tomorrow and then I spend the entire night working. Caffeine has become a major food group for me.

Miriane has grown used to my all-nighters. She spends most of her time watching Gormball. That Pteri is totally obsessed like you wouldn't believe. When a game is going on she'll yell herself hoarse, jumping up and down until she's just a cloud of rainbow colored feathers. If there's no game she'll spend her time hanging out at Grundo's Café with the other aficionados. "Did you see that catch? Beautiful." And so forth.

Every now and then she'll tag along for the day. It's exciting I guess, to see the inside workings of Dr. Sloth's operations. Considering I spend all my time coding I really don't see the fun in it. But oh well. She's good company.

Anyways, I'm pretty content. Sir Chickenhead can be quite temperamental at times but I've found that I can weather it most of the time. 'Most' is the key word there. There was only one real spat that I can remember. Chickenhead had dumped something in my lap just as I was shutting down to go home. My fellow programmers had already fled so it was just me around.

"Girl," he said and I cringed inwardly.

"Yes sir?"

"I need this working by tomorrow."

"You said we had four days."

"Tomorrow or I'm turning that stupid pet of yours into my next experiment."

That's another one of the joys of working with The Dr. Casual threats. My favorite was when he threatened to feed me to the meepits, geek glasses and all. He always brings up my glasses when he's in a bad mood.

"Fine, fine."

And I was up all night drinking liquid caffeine or whatever that stuff they call coffee is.

Well, the next morning Dr. Sloth showed up and demanded to know if it was working. I said it was and asked if I could have the rest of the day off. By that point I was ready to keel over from sleep deprivation.

"The day off? What kind of evil genius do you think I am?"

"A benevolent one?" I ventured.

"Hah. No."

"Oh COME ON!" I cried. Like I said, I was lacking sleep and so my brain wasn't working properly. "Do you know how hard it is to spend all night programming?"

"Kid, do you really-"

"I'm not a kid!"

I'm not. I'm nineteen, that's an adult. But Sloth got that smirk of his, that one he gets when playing his trump card or is about to deliver an especially nasty threat.

"Until you've masterminded an evil plot to take over Neopia you'll always be a kid around me. You wouldn't last one day in my position."

Word to the wise: never take up a challenge from Dr. Sloth. Before I knew it he'd announced that if I could last a day in his shoes he'd stop calling me Kid and Human and stuff. If I failed he got to add Miriane and me to his list of lab rats.

I didn't fall asleep at work like I originally thought I would. There weren't butterflies in my stomach, oh no, there were full-fledged killer meepits gnawing at my guts. Miriane was babbling about the day's Gormball match when I got home. I told her to knock it off and she just stared at me, beak open in mid-sentence.

"Hey," she said as I collapsed on the sofa, "Hey Boss. What's up?"

Miriane doesn't call me by my real name either. Come to think of it, I don't think anyone on Virtupets does.

"I made a bet with Dr. Sloth."

"Chickenhead? Why'd ya go and do that for?"

"Cause I'm dumb."

"I agree. Hey, what's the bet?"

Well, she was rolling on the floor laughing by the time I finished the story. Apparently the thought of being turned into a mutant didn't faze her much.

"Hey, that's what morphing potions and paint brushes are for," she pointed out when I mentioned that small tidbit, "You can change me back."

Sure, but what about me? Last I checked Kauvara doesn't make a human variety of potion.

Like it or not, the next morning still rolled around and I found it was time to face my doom. Miriane had picked out my clothing for me.

"Can't go looking like a slob," she chided, "You geek types are all so sloppy. Wear something nice."

"Miriane. That's a skirt."

"Yep. Put it on and quit complaining. Would you prefer a suit?"

Dr. Sloth was waiting at the HQ when I showed up. He was gloating, that stupid smirk of his planted quite firmly on his face as I walked through the door, Miriane on my shoulder. She said she wouldn't miss this day for anything.

"Not even a chance to participate in the Gormball finals?"

"Well, maybe that," she admitted, "But seeing you utterly humiliated is a close second."

Sloth had a clipboard in his hand. He passed it to me as I approached and I dully looked over the items. Meet with Commander Garoo. Terrorize the underlings. Conduct research on transmogrification potions. Terrorize more underlings.

"Just so you know, the potion I'm currently working on is for Pteris. I mean, Peophins."

I didn't rise to the bait even with Miriane giggling just by my ear. That pet has no sense of self-preservation.

"Hey Dr. Sloth," she piped up, "You gonna hang around or are you taking the day off?"

"What?" he replied, offended, "And miss seeing Kid botch it?"

"Thanks for the confidence," I sneered, "Such supportive people around here."

The meeting with Garoo was to occur in his office. I hoped that Dr. Sloth had warned the Blumaroo beforehand. That guy scares me, seriously. He's got that look about him, that utter disdain that says he'd stab ya in a heartbeat if you got in the way. At least with Sloth you can expect him to gloat and revel in it for a bit beforehand.

Dr. Sloth's office was pure empty space, a study in intimidation. High ceiling, broad floor, and no decoration or furniture, save for his enormous desk. The Dr. took a spot near the rear of the room where the wall was nothing but windows opening out into space. I reluctantly took his chair behind the desk with a little prompting for Miriane. She then fluttered down to the floor behind me and promptly fell into a fit of giggles.

"What?"

"Oh, oh, this is priceless," she gasped, "You're so SHORT!"

I mentally measured the desk in relation to my body. The top of it was about an inch below my shoulders.

"Need a pillow?"

I ignored them and stood up, just as Garoo entered. Apparently he had been warned beforehand for his face was different than the usual cold mask. It was just plain contempt. Miriane crept behind the desk and I tried not to appear nervous.

"Commander Garoo, reporting, um, Miss Geek?"

He didn't know my name either. Needless to say, the meeting just went downhill from that point. After a couple minutes Sloth took over and I retreated to a corner of the room and tried not to cry.

"That went horrible," Chickenhead commented after Garoo left, "Not that I expected anything else."

"Oh, quit rubbing it in," I snarled, "What's the next item on the list?"

"Terrorize underlings."

"Right. I can do that."

And I stormed from the room, my Pteri and Sloth following in my wake. My supposed fellow programmers were where they always were. Four pairs of Grundo eyes turned to me, then to Sloth, and four Grundos immediately quailed. I took a deep breath.

"Alright! Listen up you cretins!" I shouted and one actually fell out of his chair, "I'm am SICK of you all loafing around. From now on you're going to WORK and actually make yourselves useful!"

"We do work…" one said in a trembling voice.

I stormed over to his chair in response and jabbed a finger on the screen.

"Really? Then what is that?"

"Uhhhh, class implementation?"

I eyeballed the code. Idiot.

"With missing characters. You'll crash the system if you run that thing. GET IT RIGHT! And if you don't…" I dropped my voice a couple notches. "Well, what do the words 'hard format' mean to you?"

"Many things," he squeaked, "And none are good."

"Right."

I turned and left. From behind me I heard the flurry of keys. I took a deep breath and leaned on the cold metal of the hallway. Dr. Sloth and Miriane just looked at me and I thought I saw a trace of approval in Chickenhead's eyes.

"That went well," my Pteri commented.

"I learned from the best."

"You so much as think of doing a hard format on any of my systems," Dr. Sloth warned, "And I'll see what my detransmogrification ray does to a geek human."

Of course. It wouldn't be Sloth if he didn't get in at least one threat a day.

"So next there's that potion thing experimenting," Miriane said, "Hey Boss, you failed biology in school, didn't you?"

"No!" I replied hastily, "I dropped the class before I failed. There's a difference."

"Riiight," Sloth drawled, "I think we can just cross that one off the list. I'd like to keep the amount of blundering idiots in my lab to a minimum."

"We could leave Miriane behind," I suggested, "That'd only make two complete morons in there then."

They both eyed me, Miriane with venom and Sloth with cold calculation. I recognized the look. It was never a good one.

"So, on to terrorizing more underlings," he said, "Let's see. You handled the other programmers quite well but I believe you're used to yelling at them on occasion. How about… I think my mutant Grundo army is due for a surprise inspection."

"Dr.," I said evenly, "I can't even see anything above their shoulders."

"Ah yes, such a pity to be short. Come along then, we don't have all day."

Miriane snickered and Sloth started off down the corridor. I stayed where I was. He'd picked mutant Grundos simply because he knew that I was terrified of them. Not only that, they were as dumb as rocks. With the programmers I had the edge of being able to use intellect on them. With the mutants… I had no idea. It was pointless. I'd pretty much lost before the contest even began. The whole deal was so vastly unfair, but really, I should have expected that. This was Sloth after all.

"Forget it!" I cried, "I'm done. That's it. You win. Happy now? I can't do your job because I don't know a thing about being an evil genius. I'm some skinny girl with glasses that sits around and codes. You win. I'm leaving."

And I went home, collapsed on my bed, and cried into my pillow. Miriane showed up about half an hour later and tried to apologize. It came out awkward and I told her that it was fine, that I knew she was just bantering around. She made me hot tea and I felt a bit better.

The fallout from my day as Sloth wasn't entirely bad. Garoo no longer looked like he was going to kill me at any moment when we saw each other. He'd just look at me, smirk and snicker under his breath, and go on his way. I guess I can count that as an improvement. My fellow programmers lumped me in the same category as Sloth, something to be feared and obeyed without hesitation. It was quite satisfying.

Dr. Sloth hasn't really made good use of what he won from the bet. He's yet to touch me for which I am immensely thankful. I don't think he's interested in tormenting owners, just their pets. However, he did try and turn Miriane into a mutant at one point. She was remarkably calm about the whole thing, which surprised me, as I was about to collapse into hysterics. Once the potion turned out to be a dud and made her spontaneously molt however, her perspective changed. I laughed until I cried and she spent the next few weeks locked in our apartment so her feathers could grow back without utter humiliation.

So there you have it. Sloth still calls me Kid and Girl and such but I don't mind so much anymore. It's better than Miss Geek. I still call him Sir Chickenhead in private, although there was this one time that I let that slip around Garoo. But that's another story, for another time. I think I've had enough of self-humiliation for now.


	2. Sir Chickenhead

There are some days when I wonder if I should have just stayed in bed. It's mostly because I have to work to feed my rainbow Pteri and well, it's a job. What can I say? The catch is that I'm a programmer. Yeah, you heard me right, I'm that little obscure profession that no one wants outside of Virtupets. Well, not only am I trapped in space with no sky and just metal all around me, but of all the job offers I could have picked, I chose one where I was working for Dr. Sloth. That makes life interesting. Very very interesting, to the point where I wish I could just hide under the covers and never come out. Actually, I've tried that before. Miriane, my pet, pegged me with rolled up socks like a pro gormball player until I conceded defeat and crawled out of bed.

Well, I'm rather cynical about the whole deal and the rest of the programmers I work with are all terrified of The Dr. We keep to ourselves and I deal with Sloth as needed and as little as possible. However, one day we wound up getting a new unfortunate soul chucked into this purgatory. See, one of the Grundos went missing from the IT department. No one knew why except that Garoo was asking a lot of questions about it one day.

I strolled in with a sleep deprivation hangover from a late night gormball practice session with Miriane – I hate the game but she needs someone to practice with – and immediately noticed this pall of tension over the air. You don't last long in here unless you develop a nose for when something bad is about to erupt. Survival instincts. I'm actually not very high on them cause when all heck breaks loose I'm still standing there instead of crawling into the nearest hole.

Anyways, Garoo caught sight and called me over.

"Geek," he said, "Did you know Zeelin?"

"Yeah, he was in my department. What's up?"

"Come with me."

And I wind up being quizzed on everything I know by the commander of Sloth's army. Might have well as been a full military interrogation. Unfortunately, Garoo kept my head spinning with trying to remember what he wanted to know so I couldn't figure out what the heck was going on. Worst of all, I managed to let slip my own private nickname for Sloth – Sir Chickenhead. Garoo just kinda twitched and fired off another question while my stomach ate itself.

I didn't really pay attention to the going-on's after that as I expected something unpleasant to come my way due to the Sir Chickenhead comment. That's the nature of Sloth; revenge is one of his favorite things to dish out. It's like his hobby or something.

Two days later we get a new programmer to replace Xeelin. Still no word on what happened to the dude. But this new guy – wow. He strolled in and made his way over to me to get the low-down on what we were working on. I just sat there and stared. He was a Lupe and let me say this – Jeran ain't got nothing on this guy. Fire pelt that almost shone where the light hit the black, tall, muscular, well, you get the idea. And let me add that I'm human here, saying this. So I'm amazed and wondering if introducing him to Miriane would be a good idea and then he opens his mouth. Things went rapidly downhill from there.

"So, um, when do I get to meet Mr. Sloth Dr. Sir?"

His voice was fairly normal pitched, except his excitement threw it up an octave and every other syllable it'd crack like some pre-teen. The Lupe was fairly beside himself with joy. I swear he looked like he was about to chase his tail right then and there.

"Never," I replied, and added in an undertone, "If I can help it."

"What? You mean-"

"Sloth doesn't bother us except to relay orders and that's usually directly to me and nothing more than what's needed. We don't see much of him otherwise. Now what's your name?"

A couple of the Grundos muttered things under their breath, probably derogatory things about The Dr. or our new co-worker. Mostly likely both.

"Davis. Um, I guess… what's your name?" He sounded like someone had just kicked him out in the snow. It was quite pathetic.

"Forget it. Just make up your own, everyone else does."

It was a great start to our relationship. Davis came in every day with about a zillion questions, none of which had anything to do with our job. Did Sloth really make all those transmogrification potions himself? Just how many Grundos were under his command, anyways? Did I ever get to see Garoo around? Does Sloth this and Sloth that and yada yada yada.

"I've got a freaking fanboy on my hands!" I finally cried in exasperation to Miriane over dinner one night.

The Pteri just kinda looked at me sideways and gobbled down some more veggie meatballs.

"He's driving me up a wall," I continued, "If he asks one more question about Sloth I'm going to throttle him. I am. Just you wait."

"Well, you do have a sort of rapport with Chickenhead," she replied thoughtfully.

"Oh yeah. One that consists of him heaping abuse on my shoulders. Great friendship we have going there. 'Girl, have it on my desk or I'll have a mutant Grundo step on you.'"

"Well, I didn't say it was a I good /I connection…"

And in the midst of all this, I totally forgot about Zeelin disappearing and Garoo's interest, which was incredibly stupid. Think about it for a moment. Sloth ain't popular around here and we're kinda lumped in that category by virtue of working for him. I should have been concerned, or at the very least mildly suspicious. I should have noticed that Garoo had stationed more guards than normal around the place, should have noticed the frequency of his cronies poking around in our business. But there was Davis and his wide-eyed innocent idiocy bothering me and it took all my willpower to not hit him across the nose. I just didn't have the wits to realize something was up.

Nearly a week and a half after Zeelin vanished and Davis came to haunt me I found myself working late. The main lights had been shut down to night cycle so there was little illumination from the overheads. I was typing at my terminal, trying to get something up and running before midnight rolled around. When I work, I zero in and notice little else. So I didn't hear anyone enter the room, not until a burly arm had me around the neck and was dragging me out of the chair in a chokehold. I tried to hit whoever had me but he snagged my wrist with the other hand and twisted it up behind my back. At that point, I was struggling to breath from the arm crushing my windpipe and lacked the strength or reactions to kick him in the shins.

Crazy as it might sound, my initial thought was that it was Garoo. I called Sloth Sir Chickenhead in his presence after all and I'm pretty sure he knows I startle easily. This would be quite the revenge.

But it wasn't. After a few moments I felt the arm around my neck slacken just enough so that my toes could brush the ground and I could breath a bit.

"Even if you were to scream," a voice whispered in my ear, "No one would hear you. I've made sure of that."

It took me a minute to figure out who it was. The voice was deep and lacked the usual overlay of giddiness.

"Davis?" I choked out.

"Yes. Now, traitor, you know the access codes for Sloth's system."

I said something extremely rude in reply and he tightened his hold again, twisting my arm further until tears filled my eyes and overflowed onto my cheeks.

"Just the codes," he said, "That's all. Then I'll let you go with the knowledge that you've helped rid Neopia of Sloth."

"You… got rid of Zeelin…"

"Heh. Clever, aren't you? Yes, I belong to a group dedicated to wiping out the threat of Sloth. We kidnapped Zeelin but found that he didn't have the access codes we wanted and that YOU did."

"You're hurting me," I whimpered.

"Pity that, isn't it? And all this time you thought I was just some annoying Lupe. I know you looked down on me; it was obvious. And now look where you are. The access codes, girl. What are they?"

I won't lie. I was very tempted to tell him. When I first started working for Sloth I really wrestled with my conscience over it. Was this right? How could I help someone who would destroy Neopia? And I never really resolved those questions, just shoved them somewhere deep where they wouldn't twist in my guts anymore. Every now and then they'd surface again though, worming through my mind late at night when the lights were all out and everyone was asleep and I was alone with just that inner voice.

If things had been different I might have done it. Davis had made a fatal error though – he had hurt me. I've got a stubborn streak of pride and it usually clashes with what would be in my best interests. Although Sloth might be evil he wasn't stupid – with all his threats he never once actually did anything, c'mon, I do work for him, willingly too. Davis… well, he assumed that I'd cave in if he used brute force. Not a chance.

My reply was succinct, to the point, and as vulgar as I could make it with just a few words. Enraged, he threw me to the ground. I landed on my back and all the wind was knocked from me. I caught sight of his darkened form looming over me and some I other /I shape silhouetted in the doorway. Then I was blinded by a bright flash of light and heard a heavy thump close by to my right. Gasping, I furiously rubbed my eyes, trying to get rid of the spots that danced before them.

"Kid. Are you hurt?"

Second familiar voice of the evening. I finally cleared my sight enough and looked up to see a dark robed green-headed figure standing over me. To my right was Davis, unconscious with his tongue lolling out of his mouth. In Sloth's hand was a blaster.

"I'm – fine…" I said hesitantly, rubbing my throat, "What just happened?"

My wrist ached where he had grabbed and twisted it and I was still having a bit of difficulty breathing, maybe just from adrenalin though.

"You've figured out the first part of it," he replied calmly while I picked myself up, "Davis was an infiltrator for a group determined to destroy me and my organization. We knew this and brought him in anyways."

"Why?"

"Think girl. What do I have in my possession now?"

I looked over at Davis and felt a twinge of sympathy. But only for a moment.

"So – what? You leave him in here, why? Why didn't you nab him sooner?"

"All this time we were monitoring his actions to see if he'd lead us to his superiors. We were also monitoring you in case he tried anything."

He turned and looked directly at me. I looked aside and at the unconscious Lupe. There was a lot he didn't say there. He didn't want to just protect me, of course not, but to see how far my loyalty went. When push came to shove, who would I side with? I felt like a game of gormball was going on inside my stomach. Outside, I could hear a commotion building in the hallway. Sloth had called for his guards or whatever.

"Turns out our security is lax in some areas." He sounded irritated. "You got lucky. I happened to be passing through this area and found that the guards were missing."

"But now you can't track him to the rest of his companions…"

"No."

Some mutant Grundos streamed in, along with Commander Garoo.

"But we'll find out anyways." And he smirked, that evil little grin that makes you realize that something very very bad is going to happen. "Guards, take him to a cell."

"Wait," I hastily interjected. I eyed Davis carefully, lined up, and kicked him as hard as I could in the stomach and instantly regretted it. He grunted and his eyelids flickered. "There. He's all yours."

They dragged him off and I seemed to be forgotten in the mess. I slunk to the back of the room and started shivering, not because I was cold, but just from the shock of all that had happened. Eventually Sloth trailed out along with the guards. Just Garoo was left. He eyed me and I swallowed hard and tried to stop shaking.

"He might have saved you faster," the Blumaroo said, "If not for, heh, Sir Chickenhead."

"You told him."

"Of course. Now go home."

"But…" I gestured helplessly at the computer.

"Go home. It can wait."

And numbly, I did what he said.

Fallout? Minimal. I got a raise the next day and no one told me which led to a bit of panic when Garoo came around and planted a finger just between my collarbones. I thought for sure I was in trouble for something I didn't do.

Instead, he just glared at me and said, "You, Geek, need to learn some self-defense. Oh, and I had your salary raised. Use it to take lessons or something."

And I started breathing again. I'm seriously considering Garoo's suggestion, actually. If Sloth is going to use me as bait or something then I might very well need to know how to protect myself. I must admit; I'm a bit irritated that this would even be an issue. I don't recall 'expendable' being in my job description, but then again, I could very well be wrong about that. This is Dr. Sloth after all.


	3. Subject G20K

I am not a very dedicated person, nor am I very focused with what time I do commit to a project. It's extremely difficult for me to concentrate on one thing, especially when there are more interesting events occurring all around. Working for Dr. Sloth on Virtupets… well, every day is full of all sorts of going-ons that I am irresistibly drawn to. Combine lots of activity, a bored programmer, gobs of caffeine and sugar and you have a recipe for disaster.

Well, maybe not disaster. But I do end up working late a lot.

It was a week after the incident with the spy and I was preparing a report of my department's security procedures. It wasn't so difficult – I had already established what I believed to be a rather strict password and login/logout procedure. Of course, after I wrote it down on paper it looked quite pathetic. Then I went around and quizzed the Grundos I worked with about their own personal security habits. The answers were not good ones.

Bottom line: I didn't want to hand this report in. It was going to the Grundo in charge of security around here and I'd probably wind up hearing about it later on, possibly from someone higher up in the Sloth hierarchy. Knowing my luck I'd get yelled at by Sloth himself, which sadly, I was used to. But the prospect was not a very pleasant one. So I procrastinated, stuck my busybody nose into everyone else's business, and found myself staring at a "on my desk by morning" deadline shortly after everyone else had gone home for the evening. I got myself some coffee and reluctantly sat down to finish up the report.

It only took a couple hours but by the time I polished the final copy the only people around were me and the mutant Grundos that were our security personnel. I shut down my station and slipped out the door, flipping off the lights and punching in the code to lock down the room behind me.

The office of the chief security Grundo was not too far from mine - only a couple twists and turns away - but I took the long route. Although it often wound me up in trouble I did enjoy being in the middle of things. It always made good stories for later when I was telling my rainbow Pteri, Miriane, about my day.

Well, this time I swung by Dr. Sloth's personal lab. It was always shut and locked, the red light at the top glaring down like an eye at anyone that would dare bother the Dr. while he was working. However, this time the light cast a calm green glow over the metal corridor and a rectangle of light streamed through the open door. I sidled to the doorway and peered in.

The air was sterile and reeked of disinfectant. I could see beakers lining the shelves and countertops. There were cabinets all along the walls and in one corner an immense terminal arrayed in a semi-circle around a metal table. The Dr. himself was standing at the nearest countertop to this, writing on a chart. I leaned in further; trying to determine what was lying on the table. It was a large shape and almost looked like a NeoPet.

"I suggest you either say who you are or leave very quickly," Sloth said calmly, not even bothering to turn around.

Ice spread through my blood as terror temporarily flooded my system. There's certain things in life that just send alarm bells ringing – the "I'm in deep trouble now" alert. Being caught eavesdropping on Sloth was one of those.

"It's me," I replied, "I'm sorry. I just saw the light."

"Oh. Kid. Come in if you want but don't touch anything."

Still not looking at me. I swallowed and realized that if I didn't act on this opportunity to nose around I'd regret it later. So I stepped in and watched where I walked, staying a good distance away from the equipment. There was a glass cabinet a couple feet behind where Dr. Sloth stood and I stopped before this, looking inside at the contents. I wasn't quite ready to inspect whatever was on the table.

"Transmogrification potions," I said out-loud.

"Yes. I'm testing a new variety, one that only has to come in contact with the skin."

I turned from the potions to look at the NeoPet. It was a Lupe, unconscious and laying on his side. He was mutant and I had no doubt that this was Sloth's latest test subject. I walked over and carefully put one hand on his shoulder, rubbing along the bone and smoothing out the fur.

"Unfortunately, it still needs a lot of work," Sloth continued, "The potion takes far too long to take effect and is distinctly noticeable by the pet. They'll just wash it off before being transformed."

"What do you mean?"

He moved slightly and a couple drops of liquid landed on my arm.

"Gyah!"

I grabbed a handful of my shirt hem and frantically rubbed it off. The skin was reddened and blistered and it felt like I'd just been stung by wasps.

"That-" I managed to say through gritted teeth, "was uncalled for."

"But you understand the problems this batch has. I'll need more test subjects…" He was musing to himself. I turned my attention back to the Lupe.

"So, this was your latest… test subject?" I didn't like the taste of those words.

"Yes."

"The poor guy. What are you going to do with him now?"

"I am not telling you," he replied, annoyed.

"What? Why?"

"You're crying. Humans."

I didn't say anything. I had thought he wouldn't be able to see my few tears. Chickenhead left into a back room for a bit and I stayed where I was, stroking the Lupe's fur. His breathing was slow and regular and I was glad for that. Sedated most likely. For some reason he looked familiar but I couldn't quite place my finger on it. There were lots of Lupes running around Neopia; surely I was just having a déjà vu moment here. Eventually Sloth came back, this time with some files stacked up in his arms. I tried catching a glimpse of them but Sloth's bulk obscured my view.

"Why do you stay late all the time?" he asked, writing something while he spoke, "You obviously don't like what I do. The other few humans here are dedicated because they want power. You show no interest in it. So why not just go home?"

"I stay... because there's nothing better to do. My pet is out late most nights and that's all I have here on Virtupets."

"Then you are lonely."

I wanted to change the subject. "Is that why you work so late on these," I gestured at the potions, "as well?"

"It amuses me when you make assumptions. You're assigning human emotions to something that isn't. human."

And he laughed because to him it really was funny, while I wished I weren't so easy to read or that I could have the upper hand for just once in my life. My eyes were filling with tears again and I blinked quickly, trying not to look down at the pet sprawled across the metal table. He was so helpless and I wanted to stay and protect him. That's what we humans do, right? We protect our pets. Well, this one didn't have an owner and I was the only one around to be a stand-in.

I've said before that it was difficult to work here, that my conscience refused to remain buried at times and stabbed sharp needles into my thoughts, pricks of guilt and a keen desire to make things right and atone for my actions. Most of the time it was late at night when I was trapped in the darkness of my room.

But now – it couldn't be ignored.

"Sloth. This Lupe."

"Subject X92C."

"Yeah. Since you're just getting rid of him, can I take him home?"

A pause.

"I'll forgive you that request because you're a weak little girl subject to human emotions and frailties. No. He's a subject of an experimental potion and needs to be destroyed."

"What?! No you can't!"

Mistake number one – disagreeing with Sloth. Mistake number two – yelling at him. And now for mistake number three. He rounded on me and glared. It's a very frightening thing to face the wrath of an annoyed Dr. Sloth. I did what I usually did in this situation – cringe and stagger backwards away from him. Only I forgot where I was and true to my nature, my elbow snagged a glass beaker on the counter and sent it falling to the floor to land in a terrific explosion of noise and shrapnel.

"You IDIOT!" Sloth roared and I flattened against the far wall, heart in throat. He stomped towards me.

"You," he snarled, seizing the collar of my shirt and dragging me towards the door, "annoy me. And for your information, X92C used to be named Davis, the spy who tried to force you to give up the system password. The one you helped capture. So even if he wasn't an experiment I still would have him destroyed."

And he threw me out into the hallway. I slammed against the far wall and hit the floor in a heap. The door to the lab shut and the light switched to red, signifying that it was locked. I curled into a ball and cried into my arms for a short time as my heart turned to pure empty space.

The smart course of action would have been to go home and quietly forget about the incident. I'm not the brightest person at times though. I still had a report to drop off and this time I made a beeline to the security office. The door was locked so I just slipped it under the door. Then I hesitated, sidled up to the control panel that ran the door lock and slipped a pocketknife from my jeans.

I don't quite understand the reasoning behind what I did. It's not precisely moral to pry off a control panel and unlock the door by rearranging the wires inside. It's even less moral to access the head of security's computer. So I don't know why I printed out a map and inked out the route to where Sloth stored the NeoPets he used for experiments. I'm not sure why I found and recorded the access codes that I'd need. It's just something I had to do. I was partly responsible for what happened to Davis and even though my involvement was involuntary, I still could not just walk away and leave him. Things had gotten fuzzy. Was Davis really my enemy? Perhaps. Or maybe Sloth was. I didn't know. All I knew was that I had cried because my heart was breaking and if I didn't do this I would never be able to look at myself in the mirror again. If I didn't protect him no one would.

The best time to get the Lupe out of there would be tomorrow evening, once the station wound down into night cycle. I will admit it, I was terrified. When I arrived at our apartment my pet Pteri could tell and tried to find out what was going on. I didn't tell her much, just that she needed to be very careful for the next couple days. She looked at me like I'd betrayed her for keeping secrets and went to her room until I left for work in the morning.

I never stopped to ask myself any questions. Things like, what would happen if I got caught? And why was I so willing to risk my skin for this Lupe? Above all, why did Sloth let me see Davis to begin with? I can be clever but sometimes I don't think of the obvious things. In all the time I'd been here this was the first time I'd ever seen the lab open. Why? Like I said, I didn't stop to reason things out completely. I had a Lupe to save.

It was easy to find something to keep me occupied after normal quitting time. This is me. I'm the resident master of distraction. The local night owl. Caffeine queen. You get the idea.

I tried to appear casual as I wandered down past Sloth's lab. The storage area was just around the corner. The door to the lab was shut this time and the red light felt like it was boring a hole in my back. I had to fight to not turn around and see if there was anyone watching me. The corridor was empty. I hadn't heard anyone approaching. I was alone.

I'd memorized the access code to the storage area that morning. The inside was dark and I could see the small lines of metal in what little light came from the ceiling and doorway. The cages appeared to be empty. I moved from row to row, straining to see in the darkness, until I found one that was occupied. I squinted and tried to read the tag on the door. X92C. Davis.

"Hey," I breathed and the shape stirred. Two bright eyes opened to look at me. "Let's get you out of here."

The cages were coded shut but I had memorized that as well. It sprung open with a soft click and the Lupe just stared at me.

"Please. We need to go. Davis?"

It was like looking into a well. His eyes were so blank and so empty. There was absolutely no recognition in there. Whatever Sloth had done to him it had destroyed his memory and perhaps a lot more. Was he even worth saving?

Yes. Of course. I reached in, grabbed his scruff, and pulled. He came out and landed on my feet like a sack of potatoes. I wanted to sob from frustration. I tugged on his skin some more, trying to wrap my hands around his chest and pull him up. It was far too late that I heard the sound of footsteps.

"FREEZE!"

I yelped and spun, tripping over the nearly comatose Lupe's foot and falling on my rear. There was a human form in the doorway, legs spread and hands clasped in the unmistakable firing stance of a blaster. I didn't move.

"Hands on your head. Now."

I knew the voice. I'd seen him once but never really spoken to him. The only reason I remembered was because he was one of the few humans that actually worked for Sloth. Managed part of security, mostly the non-technical stuff like Grundo patrols and guard stations.

"Just let me go," I whispered, "Sloth is going to kill this Lupe for no good reason. I want to save him. That's all."

He was walking slowly towards me. I got to my knees.

"I said, freeze."

"Please. This is a NeoPet here. Don't you care?"

"Not at all."

And by the tone in his voice I could tell that he meant it. I lunged, trying to reach the blaster and pull it out of his hand. He jumped back and swung the butt of it down. I saw a glimpse of metal and then my vision blacked out for a moment to be replaced with a swimming haze. There was warmth spreading across my forehead and I fell backwards onto the ground, landing next to the Lupe. Too much pain… I was going to faint. I managed to curl around the Lupe, shielding him with my own body before I finally slipped away.

I caught snippets of voices. Both complaining. They wove in and out of my struggling mind.

"…she's bleeding everywhere… …didn't have to hit her so hard…"

"…not my fault… …waking up I think, hand me that…"

And I registered a quick prick on the arm and the next I knew I was waking up in a quiet room with the smell of disinfectant and bright lights overhead. My head hurt, but not as badly as before, and I could feel some gauze taped to the skin, just a bit below the hairline. I turned my head and my heart skipped a beat or two. I knew this place. I'd been here before, just once before. Sloth's lab; except this time I was the one laying on the metal table. Sloth himself was nearby, writing in some of his records.

"Don't move," he said and I was amazed that he'd realized I was awake without even looking at me, "Not yet, at least. You have a concussion."

The file was labeled G20K. A photo was taped to the inside but I couldn't tell what it was of before he shut it.

"Greg brought you here to be patched up so as to avoid the mess of getting you elsewhere for medical attention. The blaster left a gash on your forehead that took five stitches. They'll fall out naturally when the wound is closed."

"I'm… confused…"

"You do have a concussion. But I'll try to explain and maybe something I say will manage to lodge itself in that human brain of yours."

Sarcastic. A good sign.

"This file," he began, tapping on the folder, "is yours. I started keeping it shortly after hiring you, when I realized that you were nothing like the other humans I keep around. They're here for power and personal ambition. Easy to understand because they are like myself in some regards. They're also not the ones I'm interested in.

You see, in some regards humans and NeoPets are the weakest creatures in existence because of their willingness to do something contrary to their nature for another being. You compromised your morals to work for me so that you could have money to feed your pet. And yet, it's this very tendency that has thwarted me more than once in my attempts to dominate Neopia. Humans and pets that would normally be too timid to stand up for anything will fight and die for those they love. And you risked everything tonight for a pet that you only knew as a spy with no inhibitions against hurting you to get what he wanted.

X92C wasn't my primary experiment. You were."

He crossed over to stand by the table. His hand wrapped around my shirt and he pulled me into a sitting position. It was an effort to stay like that and I licked my lips several times, trying to keep down both nausea and dizziness.

"All this was a test. I had no reason to not let you have the Lupe but I wanted to see what you would do if I refused. And although the results were not unexpected the reason behind them is still a mystery."

"I just couldn't leave him," I whispered.

"But why? You're the enigma – if I solve it Neopia will be mine. If I can find a way around your stupid and selfless courage nothing will stand between me and victory. There will be no humans or pets to challenge me because there will be nothing for them to fight for."

"Conscience," I replied, tired, "And I can't explain it. It's something we're made with. It just depends on how good we are at ignoring what it says. Those that can completely disregard it we call evil. For the rest of us it's only a matter of time. We can try, but in the end we won't be able to ignore its call and we will stand and fight for our homes and those we love. You can't win against it Sloth."

He smirked and said in a low voice, "We'll see."

"What are you going to do with me?" I asked as he walked away, back over to the counter.

"Place you in the infirmary to be monitored until your condition is stable enough for release. Then you can return to work and even take X92C home with you if you still wish to."

He gathered up the files and started to walk them into the back room. I stared at my feet.

"I don't think I have to tell you," he said evenly, "that you are under surveillance and have been so for quite a while now. Don't do anything stupid. I'm not done with you yet, subject G20K."

I didn't even try to reply. My head hurt and I was tired. I lay back down on the table, curled up, and fell asleep.


	4. Home

It was approaching Friday evening and the weather around Neopia Central was clear and comfortably warm. It would stay that way for the entire weekend with almost no chance of rain. No jackets would be needed as spring was slowly giving way to summer. The only reason I knew this was because it was things I would have to know as soon as the workday ended. I was going home for a weekend.

For once in my life I actually got all my work done before we shut down. I had only one thing left to do – drop a portable USB full of files off with Dr. Sloth. I suspected that it wasn't so much as he wanted it personally as he wanted to get a couple good threats in before I left for Neopia. After all, he'd admitted that he had me under surveillance. G20K. The name made me shiver to just think about it.

Sloth was waiting for me in his office. I felt very small there, as I always did, and focused my attention on my feet to avoid looking at him or the vast expanse of empty space all around me.

"Here's the files," I said, sliding the small plastic piece onto the desk. A green hand stretched out and pulled it away and into a drawer.

"You are perceptive at times," he said evenly, "I suppose you already know why I had you come personally."

"Yeah, yeah, I know. You have me being watched and so you know I purchased a ticket down to Neopia. I'm not running, if that's what you think."

"It was a possibility that crossed my mind," he replied smoothly, "however unlikely it might be. Your pets, I noticed, are staying here."

"I think it'd traumatize Davis to drag him along."

He ignored that comment.

"It goes without saying that I won't let my test subject slip away so easily. If you aren't here on Monday – to borrow one of your terms – there will be hell to pay."

"Yada yada, I know, you'll turn my pets into piles of sludge and test that new human mutant potion on me, etc."

He nodded in affirmation. I was starting to remember some of his more common threats.

"Can I go now sir?"

"One last question."

I sighed discreetly and tried to not fidget while he took a dramatic pause.

"Just why _are _you going to Neopia for a weekend?"

"To visit my parents."

An eyebrow lifted in mild surprise. He was quiet for a moment more and I finally spoke up instead.

"What? Did you not think I had a mother and father? Where else would I come from?"

"Oh, I don't know," he drawled, "I always suspected the pound." Then he grew serious again. "Are you going to tell them you work for the infamous Dr. Sloth?"

"Not if I can help it. Wait." A thought dawned on me. "How'd you know I've never told my family who I work for?"

And he grinned.

"You're under surveillance. Mail is a very easy thing to intercept."

I couldn't even find the strength to protest that one. In all honesty, I should have known already. It was something he'd do, especially taking in account his reasons for keeping me around.

"Although," he continued, "You should consider being honest. You could use your knowledge of me and my operations to clear up some of those horrible rumors that circulate."

"But Sloth – they're all true."

"Precisely. Tell me if you're disowned. You can go now."

When I reached the door he decided that he had one last thing to say.

"And Girl, you might want to buy some sunglasses or a hat."

"Huh?"

But he just turned away from me and I knew he wouldn't explain.

The ride down to Neopia was miserable. I spent it huddled in the seat trying to keep my stomach from launching a full-scale rebellion. When the death-trap finally touched down I managed to stagger my way off with the rest of the passengers and onto solid ground. That was when I realized what Sloth had meant about sunglasses.

"Oh MAN!" I cried and shielded both eyes with my hands, "freaking hell!"

It'd been over half a year since I'd visited my parents which meant over half a year since I'd seen actual sunlight. My eyes were burning and I could feel tears slipping between my fingers. That was when someone slipped a wide-brimmed straw hat over my head.

"Welcome to Neopia," my mother said.

"MOM!"

And forgetting dignity and the sun both I whirled and gave her the biggest hug I could. Over her shoulder I could see a blurry outline that I assumed was my brother. He was standing back, looking a little bit away from me. After a moment he walked past and found my luggage. That in itself was odd. My brother was a few years younger than me and we'd been very close our entire lives. A couple months ago, the mail from him petered off until it was only from my parents. I supposed he was just busy.

On the ride home my mom chattered all about the going-on's in Neopia. How the smoothie shop had released some new varieties that I just had to try. The disappearance of some ships around Krawk Island. All sorts of matters. I just let her talk. It was her way of involving me back into her life after being gone for so long. Besides, I really didn't want to talk about what I did day in and day out on VirtuPets. It would greatly disappoint her to know her daughter worked for Dr. Sloth.

Nothing significant occurred until Saturday. I was too lagged from traveling to do anything but eat dinner and collapse on Friday. However, the next morning my mother woke me up plenty early to hit Neopia Central and do some heavy shopping. She had neopoints she wanted to spend on me. My brother declined to come and my mother quickly ushered me out the door before I could ask why.

"Okay, what's going on?" I asked her as we walked. She looked out and away from her, the sun gleaming off her copper-red hair. Beside her walked her spotted Aisha, a rather noisy beast who enjoyed staging experiments involving gravity, the mantle, and breakables.

"With Devin?" she asked.

"Duh. What else? I mean, he's barely said two words to me since I got home!"

A long silence passed between us.

"I thought you knew," she finally said.

"What?"

"I figured you two had fought in your letters or something. He hasn't said anything about it to me. I was hoping you could talk to him this evening, maybe sort things out."

The sick feeling from flying had returned to my stomach. This time it was different though. Family. And my brother.

"He wanted to spend the weekend at a friend's," Merlin, the Aisha, piped up, "Said he didn't want to be around."

"Thanks," I snarled, "That helps."

"Your welcome." He was totally oblivious. Just like I remembered him.

Mom tried to cheer me up with a smoothie, a ploy to take my mind off Devin. It worked, a little. There was one thing I'd learned from working with Sloth – if there's trouble it's best to deal with it when it comes and take the moments until then without worry.

I found my brother out back that evening. He was sitting by the ornamental pond with his pet Gelert. I sat down next to him and stretched out my legs.

"So," I said, "What's up?"

He grunted. I decided to go for a different approach.

"Mutt," I said, "what's up?"

"Devis is sulking," the Gelert replied, "He's been doing this since finding out where you work."

That was when my blood went cold. So that was it. He knew. He'd done some digging presumably and found out that I worked for Neopia's greatest villain.

"Oh," I said in a very small voice, "Then. I guess there's not much to be said."

I stood and the Gelert growled at me, showing his teeth. I ignored him. There wasn't much of a point to talking now – Devin knew, he didn't like it, and I couldn't blame him. I wasn't about to ask him to respect his sell-out of a sister. So I walked away.

"Ducky."

It was a nickname I hadn't heard in many years. My family had stopped using it at my insistence when I decided I was too old for it.

"Yes?" I asked, not turning around.

"Can't you just leave?"

I remembered the file. G20K.

"No. Not anymore." I decided a white lie wouldn't hurt him. "If I could, I would leave in a heartbeat."

"I'm afraid."

Timidly, I walked back over to him. He had his arms wrapped around his legs and his chin was on his knees.

"For me?"

He nodded and I felt a lump in my throat.

"Don't be," I whispered, "I'm safe. Besides, I don't even see Dr. Sloth. I just stay hidden away in front of a terminal coding all day. It's quite boring, really." More lies. Justified? Maybe. I didn't want him to worry.

"Do you think you could go back to being just Ducky?" That name again. Back when I used to run around with plastic duck-shaped clips in my hair. When we'd skip rocks in the lake and play team-tag with our pets.

I didn't reply, just sat down next to him and let him lean against my shoulder. We sat there for a long time, until even his Gelert grew tired and went back inside, leaving us alone in the gathering sunset. We didn't say much. I cried some. And I think he forgave me at some point. I really wasn't sure.

Sunday dawned bright and clear and with it my departure back to VirtuPets. The weekend felt far too short but I did have a job and I did have pets waiting for me. Merlin woke me by digging claws in my back and howling in my ear. It was tradition for him. After I was sufficiently annoyed he went to repeat the procedure on another family member.

Before I boarded the shuttle that would pull me away from Neopia once more Devin slipped me an envelope. I didn't have time to open it, just enough time to catch his eyes and see him nod. Then I was whisked away, through the door of the shuttle, and they were lost to me until my next fleeting visit. That's the way things were.

When I opened the envelope I found two small pieces of plastic sitting inside. Yellow and in the shape of ducks. My clips. Devin had found them, somewhere in the house, somehow. Yeah. I could still be Ducky for him. That wasn't lost to us.

Monday. Making my way through the corridors to my usual spot with my usual cup of coffee in my hand. Dr. Sloth appearing seemingly out of nowhere and scaring the bejeebus out of me.

"Geek," he said, "……… what is in your hair?"

That was not the question he had originally intended, I could tell. But he was eyeing the clips with the look of a classic "wtf?" moment.

"My ducky clips," I explained, "from the pound. Before someone adopted me and took me home. You know."

And I just left it at that.


	5. Allergies

For once, I had things going well. We were doing maintenance on the older systems in Virtupets and for once, it was working. As in, nothing was throwing weird errors, systems were starting up after the physical components had been replaced, and nothing was on fire. All in all, things were looking good. Being the sole human of the team (hey, I had to feed my pets somehow) I mostly stood around with a clipboard and let the grundos handle everything. They could fit in the cramped areas where the wires and other thingamabobs I really didn't have words for were.

Then, of course, Dr. Sloth had to go and mess it all up.

C'mon. When you're a megalomaniac bent on taking over all of Neopia, you can't just walk casually by, drop a glass vial and let it shatter on the ground, then walk off with a casual "Whoops."

Nuh-uh.

I've had enough of his problems causing problems for me. I threw the clipboard to the ground, stormed out into the hall, trying to ignore the unpleasant odor of rotten eggs that was emanating from the broken vial, and prepared my lungs for all the power a scrawny, barely over five-foot woman could muster. Oh yeah. Dr. Sloth was gonna get it this time. Honest.

That was when a grundo crossed some wires, shorting out the circuit, and something got set on fire.

Things weren't going well anymore.

The mess the fire made wasn't going to put us behind schedule, thankfully. I'd learned that whenever we took on some project that I had to account for some time to take care of whatever went wrong. We just got the thing put out, took stock of damages, and shuffled some of the grundos around to repair it while the rest moved on to the next portion. No one commented on the vial. I took care of it myself, for everyone else was – rightfully – too scared to and as far as we all knew, Dr. Sloth hadn't been working on stuff that affected humans. Yet.

I left my pteri and lupe behind, after checking that they had food and all that. She muttered something about gormball and the lazy lump of a lupe and that was all. I trudged to work, mentally calculating if I would have to get involved to get this done on time if we had another fire.

It was only an hour into my normal working hours that I realized I was the only one there. So I did what any rational person would do – I went to my boss. Now, my boss is pretty much useless. He, too, is a grundo that barely shifts from behind his desk. Then again, when you work for a megalomaniac, it kinda inspires you to find reasons to not stir the waters any.

"Yeah," he said, shuffling some papers, "They all called in sick."

"All of them?"

"Something about being turned into mutants."

"WHAT?!"

And he just shrugged. I stormed off, pulled up the personal records on the nearest terminal, and took off through Virtupets. Nothing bothered me on the way there, except for some speakers that were nothing but faint static. Must've been what got set on fire the other day. I found the first of my workers in his apartment. It took a bit of banging on the door before he opened it, looking rather miserable.

"Oh hey," I said awkwardly, "You're my height."

He nodded miserably. Somehow, he had mutated overnight, much as any poor pet that chugs a morphing potion would. But somehow, the process didn't seem to have completed itself. I remembered the sudden odor of rotten eggs coming from that shattered vial. I said some not so nice words. The grundo nodded in agreement.

"I'll uh," I stammered, "I'll go see if I can't fix this, okay?"

"Who is that?!" someone from the back bellowed. I cringed. It's my only survival instinct.

"That, uh, your owner?" Again, the grundo nodded. "Okay. I'll uh, get back to you later. After I find out what was in that vial."

And I bolted for it. Last thing I needed was another Neopian angry at me for my possible involvement in the accidentally half-morphing of one of Chickenhead's experiments gone wrong. I didn't bother checking on any of the other grundos. I already knew the situation would be the same. That's just how things operated around here. Some days I doubted Dr. Sloth really wanted to take over Neopia so much as he wanted to just cause as much trouble as possible while still playing mad scientist.

All that heroism I had mustered the day before? I managed to drag it back up and it lasted up until the point I actually got to Dr. Sloth's office. Then it all was gone.

"Um," I said, twisting my hands together nervously and staring at my feet, "Sooo…. the staff are all… uh… mutated."

"It worked!" And Dr. Sloth laughed. Not a happy laugh either – the deep, resonating megalomaniac laugh. "Finally! An airborne mutation agent! Now, to find a way to mass-produce it and Neopia…"

Someone had to bust his bubble. I swallowed hard.

"They're, um, half-mutated."

He stopped laughing and stared at me.

"And, uh," I continued, "The communications system seems to be down and there's no one to fix it."

"You're not mutated." I'm not sure if the disappointment in his voice was because his experiment had only half-worked or because humans were still immune.

"I can't fit."

"What?"

"The stuff was built by grundos. I'm too big."

"It's not my problem you eat too much ice cream, Girl. Go fix it."

That is how I wound up on my stomach, peering into a dark cubby hole with a light while my pteri hummed while pulling out scorched wires and putting in new ones at my instructions. My lupe was asleep across my legs, which not only pinned me in place but concerned me greatly, as I could no longer feel my feet.

"Okay, that's ruined," I said, "Just yank it off. Yeah. Umm… Hang on, let me check the diagram…"

I tried to shift to get a better look at the blueprints. My neck ached and we were only an hour into the job.

"I'm bored," my pteri said.

"Welcome to my world," I muttered.

There were some heavy footsteps from the hallway, a ping, the sound of glass shattering, and another 'whoops.' My lupe raised his head suspiciously as I desperately tried to scramble out from under his bulk and discover that my feet were indeed sound asleep. I about lost my balance as feeling returned in a rush of pins and needles.

"No no no no!" I shouted, "No mutating my pets!"

I skidded to a stop. The broken vial smelled like regular eggs now.

"I'm not mutating your pets," Dr. Sloth replied, staring down at me, "That's boring."

"Then what…"

I was interrupted by an odd tickling in my lungs. For a moment I stood there with a confused look on my face with the resident mad scientist watching in interest. Then I sneezed. And sneezed again.

"Huh," Dr. Sloth said.

I kept sneezing and finally fell firmly on my rump. By this point my pets were watching in interest, wires hanging from my pteri's beak.

"She's turning all red and blotchy," she commented, dropping the wires.

I could feel my throat tightening and my gut twisted in sudden terror. I wasn't going to be able to breath in another couple seconds.

"Another failure," Dr. Sloth said with a sigh, "I don't think that counts as drastic mutations. What do humans call it…? Oh, right, allergies."

And he started to walk off. My pets just kinda stared vacantly and I tried to suck in another breath. Then it clicked in that little pteri brain and she went running off down the hallway. As my lupe came over and sat on my legs – again – I could hear her yelling at Dr. Sloth, their voices growing fainter.

"Wait!" she cried, "Hey! I just remembered – allergies make humans stop breathing! That's bad, right!?"

In the end, Dr. Sloth did recall that allergies and breathing didn't mix so well in humans and figured getting some medical help might be the benevolent thing to do. A few days later and all my grundos were back to normal, something that Dr. Sloth found very disappointing. Not only did his airborne mutation strain fail to completely mutate the subject, but it was temporary. I was tempted to yell at him for using us as experiments but, like usual, lacked the backbone. I asked my boss to do it for me. He looked at me like I was crazy and reminded me I had a project to take care of.

Which was now completely off-schedule. I showed up that Monday morning with two large boxes. I'd made a special trip to Neopia for this.

"Hey guys," I said, "So you all know we're behind, right?"

A bunch of miserable grundos nodded at me.

"So after you all got mutated and Dr. Sloth nearly killed me with an allergic reaction," I said, setting out the boxes, "I got us a treat. Donuts and coffee. Lots of coffee. Cause it's going to be a long night."

Yanno, working for Dr. Sloth is ALWAYS a long night.


End file.
